Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I have much to be grateful for this Valentine's Day and have been in a reflective mood as of late. Imagine how many times the words "I love you" will be uttered today. The word love is curious to me because it connotes such an intangible feeling that it defies defining. What do you mean when you say you love someone? I've heard of people saying they knew they loved someone the first week, they believe in "love at first sight," some hold back and don't say it for fear of getting hurt, and yet others use this phrase with ill intentions. This tiny, four letter word can wreak havoc or bliss on a relationship. But how do you know what someone else means when they bestow the word on you? And does it mean the same to you?

Because love is an intangible emotion, it's difficult to know if you and your beloved mean the same thing when you tell each other you love them. We might know what WE mean when we use this phrase, but how do you ever know how deeply the emotions run for the other person? It's fascinating to me that "love" can be defined in a neat little box, established within certain parameters.

When I surfed dictionary.com, there were several definitions listed for love: "A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness." A second definition was listed as "A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance."

These definitions sound pretty close, but what exactly are YOU thinking when you say it to someone? Do you say it as a ready response to THEM saying it? Do you get the giggly feeling inside each time you say it to your honey? Have you ever said it and not meant it? Like I said, I have been in a reflective mood lately. While none of us can begin to define love for ALL of us, we can each have our own ideas of what this emotion means. And then you need to do your best to articulate it to your partner. Allow me to propose MY definition of love (in no particular order):

Love is supportive and encouraging. Love is kind, compassionate, and thoughtful. Love is sweet and nurturing. Love is your whole body coming alive when you see that person. Love is your heart singing an internal song out of pure bliss. Your heart, with all its attributes and flaws, has found its best friend. Love is your vulnerable, lovable self (however gently) willing to hand over your heart to someone else. Love is thinking of the other first, creating a safe and secure environment, and the calm and excitement in your day. And love is being proud of one another.

Love is bringing out the best in each other and inspiring one another to do better. Love is about being the best you can be because you want to, for you AND your partner. Love is sharing similar (but not necessarily identical) outlooks on life, goals, and life issues. And most importantly, love is enduring. There might be times when one of you has to love more, but with a solid foundation of friendship, love won't fade. It doesn't go away. It just is.

And, yes, love can be all the romantic things you read about in Hallmark cards. Remember, this is MY definition. Feel free to disagree. Love is your heart swelling at the sight of his beautiful smile, the crinkling around his eyes, the sound of his voice, the way he is with his family, the way he watches over people and is protective, the thought of him first thing in the morning, throughout the day, and before you drift off to sleep. Love is happiness that he exists. Love is yummy in bed and the way his lovely lips feel on all your 2000 parts :)

And I have learned what love IS NOT. I write this with a heavy heart after reading your letters over and over. Many of you are experiencing rough patches in relationships and are confused about love. Again, I can't define it for everyone, but there are certain things that love ISN'T. Love is not selfish. Love does not make you choose between options that make you uncomfortable. Love does not ask you to compromise your beliefs and sense of who you are. Love does not force you to sacrifice your dreams. Love is not punishing and ugly. Love is not controlling, and love is not abusive.

What is YOUR definition of love? I can't wait to read your responses. Again, these are all solely my opinions, so feel free to disagree. Love is such an intangible emotion that it requires defining for each and every one of us. As we reflect on today's topic, have a wonderful, joyous Valentine's Day and get some if you can :)

As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,

Carmen Sutra

- From the Great Sexpectations Newsletter -
© Copyright 2005 by Pulse Direct, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.

Subscribe to the FREE Great Sexpectations Newsletter!
(Mon - Wed - Fri) From fact to fiction, Great Sexpectations will keep you satisfied with daily helpful hints and sexual suggestions. Fuel your fire or expand your horizons! Includes special offers from Adam and Eve adult products. PRIVACY

Just enter your E-Mail address in the form below and then click the "Subscribe" button. You will receive a confirmation email which contains a link you will need to click to confirm your subscription before you will start to receive your newsletter.