1. Take Care of One Another - Physically - Sex isn't everything, but if I've learned anything from this column it's that people will stray if their needs aren't met at home. Let me back up a bit; that, of course, is a generalization, BUT I've been sifting through your letters on cheating lately, and I know sex is a huge component of relationships. While sex isn't everything, it does matter. If your sex life is lacking, it's probably symptomatic of other ills within the relationship. Take care of one another - physically.

2. Fight Fair - I know, I know how difficult it is to remember to "fight fair" as many magazines simply put it. But this is extremely important. We often say things we regret in the heat of the moment, but let's keep this to a minimum, shall we? Many purposely aim for their partner's most sensitive spots while fighting, but we remember the insults long after the feud ends. Case in point, I have a dear friend whose mother no longer speaks to her (at no fault of her own). In the meantime, she has become close with her husband's mother. Maybe you see what's coming here...In the middle of a fight, her husband yelled at her to "get her own mother." You can't tell me she won't remember that forever.

3. Choose Your Battles Wisely - This is another maxim often
thrown around in magazines, self-help books, etc. But it's true! However, when all you can focus on is the anger seething through your body, it's hard to remind yourself of this pithy saying. Here's something that might help. Before jumping the gun, ask yourself if the issue will matter in a month, a year, or five years. Try to put things into perspective. If the answer is yes or you think the issue represents a larger problem, then go ahead.

4. Date Night! - You must, must put time aside for just the two of you. In our fast-paced, Starbucks-blackberry-world, I KNOW how difficult it can be to schedule quality time for someone. Isn't that an oxymoron in itself? Yes. But you need to do it anyway because if you don't, the time will be filled with something else. Schedule date time EVERY SINGLE WEEK, regardless of what comes up and even if it's only for an hour. JUST DO IT.

5. Have Fun - Together - This sounds overly simplistic, but often we go out with our friends, develop inside jokes with others, and then find ourselves talking with everyone but our partner at a party. You need to have fun TOGETHER. It is the humorous moments that will sustain a relationship. I cannot emphasize this enough. You need to laugh TOGETHER.
Long live the silliness!

Of course you didn't think I would forget "communication," did you? No relationship can survive without cultivating a safe atmosphere for confessing one's feelings. Don't let your insecurities, doubts, and fears well up. It will become easier the second you start talking about all of it.

As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,

Carmen Sutra

- From the Great Sexpectations Newsletter -
© Copyright 2003 by Pulse Direct, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.

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