Inhibitions are funny little quirks...At once they can hinder our decisions and make us feel an inch tall, but after a couple of drinks they all but disappear. Then all of a sudden we feel comfortable approaching the hottie across the room. What's holding us back? We are so bombarded with imagery of perfection that it's hard not to worry if your breasts are perky enough, your pecs as toned as the next guy's, blah,blah, blah. You know what I'm talking about. And it's not over there. After you do the mirror check, you still have to worry about spinach in your teeth, a quick breath test, etc, etc. Are you kidding? With all these expectations, how are we supposed to be anything BUT inhibited? No one wants to do the wrong thing. Let's try to figure this out together. What IS holding us back? Most of our inhibitions can be traced to a lack of confidence or low self-esteem. I know some of you leave the lights off while you make love. Hide under blankets. Don't let yourself receive oral sex. We've been conditioned to think we're all never going to be as perfect as the supermodels. Let's give that hope up right now because it's simply an unrealistic expectation. Real people are sexier. Sometimes, though, our inhibitions aren't even about physical imperfections. Deep down some of us don't think we deserve unconditional physical love and pleasure. Release yourself of this guilt and way of thinking. You deserve pleasure as much as the next person. So how are you supposed to overcome these inhibitions? The second you do something to improve your well-being, you'll feel better. Whether it's taking a step class at the gym or dancing around acting silly in your living room, your spirits will be lifted and you will feel more powerful. And guess what? You'll feel less inhibited, too. The more self-esteem and confidence you have, the less likely you will restrict yourself. Dancing, exercising, reading, and many other hobbies will help you relax and relieve tension. If you have never approached someone before (or whatever you are trying to accomplish), you might need to take baby steps to ease into the situation. Um, and ditch the alcohol. While drinking might lower your inhibitions, it can also decrease your ability to make logical decisions. Make no mistake about it - you will be making yourself vulnerable, and it takes guts. If you are shy about receiving oral sex, turn bathing together into a foreplay act. You'll both be fresh and ready to go, and for yourself, you'll relieve the anxiety of thinking you have a bit of odor. If you need to make a speech in front of 10, 20, or 500 people, ask someone out, or step out of your comfort zone in general, it helps to rehearse first. Think about what you're going to say and how you will respond to questions. For others, though, speaking freely and off the cuff works better. Recently a restaurant nearby held "Divas" night, and you know I had to take my girls to see the spread. We were seated a couple tables away from two attractive men, and we couldn't help notice that they kept looking our way. Slowly and surely, we convinced one of our friends to go approach them. While she is single and looking, she is also shy and nervous about going up to a man first. We went over a couple of scenarios and really encouraged her, and sure enough, she approached them! It turns out both already had girlfriends, but imagine the confidence she gained from tackling this obstacle! It TRULY takes guts for someone to be vulnerable and totally step out of their comfort zone. But you know what? The next time you do something, it will be easier. Baby steps, remember. Who cares if you have cellulite on your booty? Who doesn't? Believe me, when the lights are out and bodies are mingling, no one cares about some extra dimples. Or rather, shouldn't I say when the lights are on? Because after all, you're gonna leave them on the next time, right? Now go prove it. As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,
Carmen Sutra

- From the Great Sexpectations Newsletter -
© Copyright 2003 by Pulse Direct, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.

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