Everyone's doing it. Or, at least, the media give us that impression. Talking dirty, that is. We're given the notion that, behind closed doors, lovers know exactly what to say and when to turn on their partners. Why, then, do I routinely receive letters asking where to begin in this area? Whether you're in a long-distance relationship needing advice on phone sex or a beginner to the talking dirty field, take a look at today's pointers.

To begin with, you must lose all inhibitions and be willing to suspend disbelief for a while. Give yourself permission to enjoy talking seductively to your partner. You are your only roadblock. In a society plagued with concerns about STDs, phone sex makes practical sense. Let's face it - there are no risks of pregnancy with phone sex, it is STD-free, and fun. Talking dirty can also be a liberating experience. Whether it's in person or over the phone, there are some basic questions and concerns to consider first. Some common fears often prevent us from letting go. Are you shy? Afraid of being embarrassed or sounding stupid? Or perhaps you are anxious about your partner's reaction. Do you think he/she will react negatively or even angrily? Don't think you're alone. Many subscribers have echoed these very thoughts, and some are nervous about their partner possibly feeling threatened(!) or shocked. This should be a fun, relaxed experience. You don't have to be a phone-sex operator to talk dirty.

First and foremost, wave goodbye to these fears. Easier said than done, I know. Instead of focusing on your nervousness, prepare yourself with several exercises. I always say spontaneity is key, and it is, but when you are extremely self-conscious or apprehensive about something, it often helps to practice. So, here we go - incorporate masturbation here. When you indulge in some alone time, try making various noises to discover which one sounds the most erotic. For instance, try moaning a different way or whispering soft murmurs. These are often effective when talking dirty, but you'll never know until you actually practice and utilize these weapons!

Moving right along...The core of talking dirty is allowing yourself permission to basically compliment your partner and let him/her know you enjoy what they are doing to you. Don't fret over the vocabulary! Okay, how many words could there possibly be for "penis"? Well, write them down. In a notebook, write as many alternatives as you can think of for pubic hair, vagina, penis, breasts, etc. Again, list-making isn't sexy, but you'll be glad you did your homework when the moment arrives. If you need additional help, don't hesitate to view adult movies or read adult magazines. They can get pretty creative! While you are reading or watching, pay attention to the words they use, and HOW they say them. Are they speaking quietly, in a hurried tone, or in a moaning lilt? Remember, delivery is everything.

Back to your notebook. Think about your partner's body and what you like about it. What are your favorite parts? Write down various ways you can express this. What does your partner do that especially pleases you? Again, you are essentially complimenting the person. Do you like how he thrusts deep and hard at a certain point? Let him know! Practice with the tone and intonation - your partner's reaction will let you know which is best. Experimentation is the best part! Is there something you would like your partner to do, but are not sure how to ask? Here's your chance. Write in your notebook ahead of time to have a mental list prepared. When the time comes, you'll have a library of attributes to reference.

If your partner all of a sudden tries to talk dirty, let your reaction be kind. Don't look at him/her like they are crazy and ask, "What the hell are you doing?" Encourage your partner because they are allowing themselves to be vulnerable with you. Be thankful, reciprocate, and provide positive feedback. Definitely give the impression that you want them to keep trying and practice together! This may not work for everyone, but it's all about exploring new avenues, right?

An alternative to actual phone sex is writing sexy or romantic letters to your beloved. Describe in detail what you would like to do to him or her and make good on your promise. What are your experiences with phone sex? Talking dirty? Share, share, share! Maybe you'll help a novice out there. As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,

Carmen Sutra

- From the Great Sexpectations Newsletter -
© Copyright 2003 by Pulse Direct, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.

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