Time and again I receive emails from you dear readers wonder-
ing just how to make your relationships better. Many of the
bigger issues in a relationship can often be boiled down to
some key points. In an effort to determine essentials for
a healthy union, I polled 20 friends and family members and
a handful of surprised (but willing) strangers. Without
further hesitation, I present the most common replies (but
not necessarily in this order)...

1. Respect - Aretha was on to something. My respondents
indicate that you should remember this attribute when you go
to reply to your partner with a biting tone. While this
applies to all-out, drag-down fights, remember to adhere to
the golden rule on a daily basis.

2. Humor - I cannot stress enough how humor will help sustain
a relationship! While you must have a balance for a success-
ful partnership, humor is an absolute key ingredient. A sense
of humor can vary from person to person, so it's important to
find a partner with an agreeable style. For instance, if you
prefer dry or dark humor, it's essential to have a like-
minded partner. It is the laughter that will get you through.

3. Patience - Without a doubt we will all experience days
when we don't want to hear our partners speak...even one
word. These are days when we would rather go in our bedrooms and shut the door to the world. This is precisely when we need to have patience with one another. Take a deep breath and explain your needs. The receiving partner needs to be just that - receptive, because there will be a time when he/she will need something requiring patience. Repeat #1 if necessary.

4. Dedication - Some say it's harder to leave a relationship
than to say, but I beg to differ. Real, long-term relationships are truly hard work. There will come a time when there might be absolutely nothing left of the union, a time when you have not seen eye to eye for months. From somewhere you will find the determination to work harder. That's the dedication.

5. Loyalty - The immediate thought that comes to mind is
loyalty in terms of monogamy. Loyalty means much more than
this, though. For instance, perhaps you have an agreement to
never speak ill of one another in front of other people. My dad and his wife have been married for 12 years and agreed right away to always defend each other to other people and never air their dirty laundry. I'm sure we've all seen the couple that belittles each other in front others, and it's awkward for everyone, to say the least.

Are our respondents correct? Or do you have a different
opinion? What key ingredients help keep you and your beloved
on track?

As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,

Carmen Sutra

- From the Great Sexpectations Newsletter -
© Copyright 2003 by Pulse Direct, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.

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