I was actually early the other morning (gasp!) to catch the train and observed some lovey-dovey couples dropping each other off at the train station. How utterly cute and sweet, right? Upon further inspection, however, things aren't always as they seem. I observed one couple in particular. I heard a husband call to his wife to have a good day, but she would not have known. She said "bye" in a monotone voice, practically slamming the door in his mid-sentence. It's not like she was rushing to catch said train - again, we were early. During the commute that morning I wondered, where is the love?

I don't mean to pick on this couple specifically because we have no way of knowing what was going on in their personal lives. Maybe they just had a fight. Maybe they got up late and were just rushing. Or maybe it's their normal routine and they just aren't morning people. Their quick example led me to contemplate relationships in general. There must have been a time when they actually WERE lovey-dovey at the train station, making googly eyes at each other. I absolutely know this part of the relationship doesn't last forever, but shouldn't common courtesy and respect?

Throughout my various unions, I've learned to let the small things go but also recognize that the little things add up. Does that make sense to anyone else? I choose my battles and ask myself if the petty instance will matter in five days, months, or years and try to put things in perspective. I also know, though, that the success of a relationship hinders on how we treat each other on a daily basis. Even if we are head over heels in love with one another, relationships require maintenance. I often think we are sold a bill of goods when we are little, groomed to think love conquers all and that it requires little work. Wrong. Love can help sustain a relationship with a solid foundation of trust, respect, and commitment. And great sex never hurt either :)

I once heard someone say that the best predictor of how a relationship will be is how it was in the beginning. Did you establish a pattern of respect and honesty at the beginning? Share household responsibilities and value the same things in life? These things don't just automatically change one day, so it's imperative to create positive habits in the initial stages of the relationship. If you are patient, respectful, and responsible now, you will more than likely carry those attributes into a marriage, family, etc.

I polled a group of friends for THEIR key relationship advice. They said never do anything to spite one another, consider making a rule about never calling each other names or cursing AT each other during a fight (I know some of you fight dirty!), treat your partner like your best friend, don't "keep score", and ask yourself if you want to be right or happy.

And one friend insisted the 12 most important words in a relationship are:

You are right.
I am wrong.
I am sorry.
I love you.

What are YOUR relationship staples?

Again, I'm not trying to pick on the specific couple in the earlier example, and I know they were probably feeling rushed. But seriously, how hard is it to smile at someone to create goodwill for the day? You ARE each other's best friends, so why wouldn't you want to start the day off on the right foot? And then take that one step further - you are there to be each other's partner. You pick him up when he's down, and he does the same for you. It's all about creating a loving, nurturing, and safe environment. Take the two seconds to look over your shoulder and smile at your beloved every once in a while. It will make you BOTH feel good. Enough puffy hearts and rainbows, kiddies, have a wonderful day!
As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,

Carmen Sutra

- From the Great Sexpectations Newsletter -
© Copyright 2003 by Pulse Direct, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.

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