In a word - no. HOLD UP! WAIT! Before you begin writing your missives detailing your successful relationships, I fully acknowledge that it CAN work out, but those situations are rare. It CAN turn out that both of you have feelings for one another, etc., and you live happily ever after, blah, blah, blah. But I read your hundreds of letters on this subject, and most of you say, no, this situation is too tricky and has little hope. So let's discuss.

Hard to believe, but not all people establish guidelines when entering a sex call situation. This is significant! If you truly, truly are only interested in a physical relationship, you have a duty to CLEARLY express that to your partner, however long you intend to continue relations. Make sure you both have the same intentions and are on the same page before you begin. These situations are difficult enough without muddying the waters like this. On the other hand...

This is where it becomes pretty tricky. Sex changes everything. You might think you can "handle" it, that it won't affect you, or that you TRULY are only in it for the nookie, but no one knows how they will react after slipping between the sheets, bouncing on the couch, or bonking against the wall, wherever you do the deed :) You could sleep with a "friend", going into the situation with purely physical intentions, but wind up feeling completely different. The point is, you can't predict how you'll feel.

Now imagine this: you realize you DO feel differently, that perhaps you ARE interested in pursuing a relationship with this person. Ah, ah, wait a minute! The disclaimer is already out there. You've already established this was only going to be physical, so back up, buddy. Now are you pondering the situation. How can this friend be so intimate with you and not want more? You obviously care about each other, right? I've seen and read about COUNTLESS situations where one or both people get hurt in a booty call situation. One piece of advice - if you know going into it that you have ANY SLIVER OF EMOTIONAL feelings for the person, BACK OFF. If you harbor feelings for your booty call, but he/she doesn't reciprocate, leave before the potential for getting hurt escalates even further.

And think about this: before you engage in action, consider all the possible consequences. How are you going to feel when you see this person in a social setting, with a NEW partner, or simply overlooking you? It probably won't feel that swell. Remember, booty calls theoretically don't talk about how their day went, share holidays, and go on traditional dates. The potential for one person to get hurt is quite high. But again, you can't predict how you are going to react. Sex changes everything.

One last thought - it started out as only a booty call for a reason.

Before you send off a thousand letters insisting a booty call relationship can blossom into more, HOLD UP, because I indeed know it can. I personally know several couples who have wound up married who started off this way. But I also have read about and seen waaaay more in the opposite corner. Life is a gamble, right? So all I can say is do what you think is best for you, guard your heart (but not too much), and appreciate what you have. What are YOUR feelings on this subject? I can't wait to put together our reader comments issue this week!!! As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,

Carmen Sutra

- The Great Sexpectations Newsletter -
© Copyright 2003 by Pulse Direct, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.

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