When I hear people complain that their partner isn't romantic, one of the first things I think to myself is "have you been romantic to YOUR partner?" After all, how can we complain about something to which we have given no effort? While I don't speak for all women, I know that sometimes we expect our partners to be romantic, but often forget to indulge them every once in a while, too. Men might not go around saying it, but they like to be wooed as well...just in different forms.

Men might not care about receiving flowers, but you can't tell me he wouldn't want to receive a mid-day text message, email, etc., just saying that you are thinking about him, a call to see if he wants anything from the store, an offer to do him a favor, etc. These are all ways to show you are thinking about him throughout the day, and in essence, are forms of romance. In short, men love to be adored and we often overlook that. Moving right along...

Like I said, the concept of romance differs from person to person and by gender. Part of being satisfied in a relationship is understanding the other person's perspective and altering your own. I'm not saying we should lessen our expectations or completely change our viewpoints, but we need to at least understand the other person's perspective. What might be romantic to you, might mean squat to someone else. For instance, many of my girlfriends complain that their men don't buy them flowers, don't go all out on their birthdays, etc.

Let me preface this next part by saying their is a difference between forgetting someone's birthday (for which one should be in the doghouse) and not springing for a $300 hotel suite. Romance, especially on a daily level, comes in various packages. Maybe your man has never presented you with flowers, but shows constant consideration. If his thoughts are with you day in and day out, what more do you want? If his actions consistently shows he listens to you, compliments, and supports you, then, in effect, isn't he romancing you? Men might not be all about giving teddy bears and buying chocolates every week, but that doesn't mean their hearts aren't in the right place.

Thinking about your partner's needs on a regular basis will mean much more than a dozen roses that will wilt in a week. Don't get me wrong - romance has its place in relationships; we just need to expand our notion of it. Sometimes flowers ARE indeed appropriate, sometimes chocolates are in order, but a two-line email saying you can't wait to see him/her tonight often does the job as well. Carmen's bottom line: both men and women need to find ways to accommodate their partners while expanding their notion of romance.

Regardless, some people will still really, really want to receive flowers, and occasionally that's fine. Like everything else in relationships, you have to find what works for you. But like I said, you need to find ways to accommodate each other's needs while recognizing an expanded notion of what actually counts as romance. What will YOU do for your partner this week? What small gesture could your partner make that would light up your day?

As always, I remain...

Devotedly yours,

Carmen Sutra

- From the Great Sexpectations Newsletter -
© Copyright 2005 by Pulse Direct, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission.

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